Skip to main content

Depression

"Depression" by Emilie R. B. Pratt 14 August 2017

I want to hide in darkness
Surrounded by despair.
I can't control my feelings
It's hard to find the air.

This isn't me.

I don't know where I am.

The sadness slowly took over.
One little piece at a time
It came crawling, reaching,
Touching every part of my life.

I miss myself.

I want to be set free.

My life was full of purpose.
I had direction, confidence, peace.
People wanted to be around me,
Very few things bring relief.

Anger, fear, anxiety, stress.
They all take a turn.
I don't have any control.
I must watch from a distance.

I want to come back.

I feel defeated.

Doctors are expensive,
But maybe there's a way.
I'm afraid to lose completely,
But the darkness makes me stay.

I have depression.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Poems (Part 2)

I found my folder of old poems. I'll share them here to save them. Arlington May 28, 2018 When I went to Arlington, I slowly walked alone. I wanted to respect them, the names I didn’t know. Thousands and thousands, the white headstones were so straight. They stand in perfect rank and file; forever they will wait. I marveled at their beauty; I tried to read their names. There are too many for me to read; too many died for me. Though I do not know them, they never dreamed of me, They gave their lives fighting, for the land of the free. I went to see the Tomb, that honors the Unknown. How many families waited, for those who can’t come home? When I went to Arlington, I reflected on the past. Why are there names not older than my own? This graveyard is supposed to be just for wars of old. I know that we’re still fighting, but these names brought it home. Arlington is not just filled with past heroes. I saw a black casket, pulled by four black horses. One more s...
Post a Comment
Read more

One Trial

There's something in my life that has plagued me for a while now. Most people know I have back problems, but not everyone knows the whole story. Here it is: Fall semester 2010 I joined the Air Force ROTC at Brigham Young University. I was so excited to be part of the Air Force. I loved it, but it was physically demanding. Duh. I could take it though. I was suffering, but enjoying it. Then about halfway through September I started to have some pain in my right leg. I thought I just needed to stretch my hamstring, but nothing I did could stretch my leg. I asked my sister, a dance major, for help. That didn't work either. So I pushed through it for a while thinking it would loosen up on its own. It didn't. It continued to increase. I finally went to the doctor and asked about it. The doctor told me that it seemed like I had a tight muscle pressing against my sciatic nerve. She sent me to physical therapy to loosen up. The physical therapy was good, but the pain shifted dow...
Post a Comment
Read more

Catching Up

I don't write often. Obviously. It takes a lot for me to sit down and write out my thoughts. I've never been much of a writer. There's always something else I'd rather be doing. So what am I doing tonight? I'm writing down my thoughts, my experiences of the last few months. This is a little bit of a review of the last few years. I need to get it out and typing is faster than writing. I also promised I would write out my emotions of late. Here I go. I've been going through psychotherapy for the last year and a half. I've felt depressed and anxious for at least four years now and I used the traumatic birth of my daughter as an excuse to finally see a therapist. I experienced a lot of traumas in a few short years and the emotional toll has been hard. Let me list out my traumas: --14 December 2010: Herniated 2 discs (L4-L5 & L5-S1) --14 February 2012: Death of my dog, my best friend, Sarah --30 March 2013: Return home from my mission --1st week of July...
Post a Comment
Read more