Skip to main content

Depression

"Depression" by Emilie R. B. Pratt 14 August 2017

I want to hide in darkness
Surrounded by despair.
I can't control my feelings
It's hard to find the air.

This isn't me.

I don't know where I am.

The sadness slowly took over.
One little piece at a time
It came crawling, reaching,
Touching every part of my life.

I miss myself.

I want to be set free.

My life was full of purpose.
I had direction, confidence, peace.
People wanted to be around me,
Very few things bring relief.

Anger, fear, anxiety, stress.
They all take a turn.
I don't have any control.
I must watch from a distance.

I want to come back.

I feel defeated.

Doctors are expensive,
But maybe there's a way.
I'm afraid to lose completely,
But the darkness makes me stay.

I have depression.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Healing = Courage + Action + Grace"

On January 21st, 2014 Johnathan Sandberg gave a devotional address at BYU with this title. It really impacted me. With my other posts I've said a lot about my back problems. This address that Brother Sandberg gave me hope and confidence to heal. So I'm going to share some of my thoughts and feelings on that for this post. Let me share me notes from the devotional. **I never got around to fully posting my thoughts on this. So here's the link to the devotional.** Healing is a gift. Healing is growth, time, change. It does hurt. It requires suffering, even though it's a gift. https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/jonathan-g-sandberg/healing-courage-action-grace/
Post a Comment
Read more

Family helps you heal

When I lost my baby a few months ago, I had a miscarriage in the first trimester, I was upset. I grieved for the baby I wouldn't get to hold. While talking about it with my husband, he gave me a great idea for how to process my grief. I was afraid of forgetting my baby. I hadn't felt any movement and barely knew the baby was there before I lost it. I was worried that I would forget. That our family would forget the precious soul that should have joined us. I wanted to make a memorial for my baby. Nothing fancy or showy for the world, just a reminder for our family. I love pyrography, wood burning, so my husband suggested that I make a wooden memorial such as a family tree. I loved that idea! I spent the next hour thinking about how to do it and what I would need. I made several sketches of my tree. I was on fire with the plan for remembering my baby. It was a helpful project for me. I'm proud to say that I finished my family tree this weekend. It was wonderful spending the ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Potted Plant

I feel like a potted plant in the ground. I’m in the ground, but still in my pot. This is where I’ve been placed, but I feel like I’m going to be moved again, so I can’t get out of my pot. If I do, the move will be more traumatic. I don't feel like I belong here. It's really hard for me to make friends. I don't think I can reach out to anyone because I'm so transient that all my friendships end when I leave. We live in Virginia right now. We'll be here for the foreseeable future, but I still feel like I have my hand ready to grab the suitcase and run. It's really difficult for me to make connections. I want connections. I don't want to be lonely. I want to find my tribe, my people, my place. I don't know how. I'm afraid to reach out. My self esteem is so low I constantly worry about what others will think of me if I reach out. I'm stuck in my pot while trying to stick out my roots. It's not very effective. I don't feel like I belong an...
Post a Comment
Read more