Skip to main content

Potted Plant


I feel like a potted plant in the ground. I’m in the ground, but still in my pot. This is where I’ve been placed, but I feel like I’m going to be moved again, so I can’t get out of my pot. If I do, the move will be more traumatic. I don't feel like I belong here.

It's really hard for me to make friends. I don't think I can reach out to anyone because I'm so transient that all my friendships end when I leave. We live in Virginia right now. We'll be here for the foreseeable future, but I still feel like I have my hand ready to grab the suitcase and run. It's really difficult for me to make connections. I want connections. I don't want to be lonely. I want to find my tribe, my people, my place. I don't know how. I'm afraid to reach out. My self esteem is so low I constantly worry about what others will think of me if I reach out. I'm stuck in my pot while trying to stick out my roots. It's not very effective. I don't feel like I belong anywhere or with any group of people.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Poems (Part 2)

I found my folder of old poems. I'll share them here to save them. Arlington May 28, 2018 When I went to Arlington, I slowly walked alone. I wanted to respect them, the names I didn’t know. Thousands and thousands, the white headstones were so straight. They stand in perfect rank and file; forever they will wait. I marveled at their beauty; I tried to read their names. There are too many for me to read; too many died for me. Though I do not know them, they never dreamed of me, They gave their lives fighting, for the land of the free. I went to see the Tomb, that honors the Unknown. How many families waited, for those who can’t come home? When I went to Arlington, I reflected on the past. Why are there names not older than my own? This graveyard is supposed to be just for wars of old. I know that we’re still fighting, but these names brought it home. Arlington is not just filled with past heroes. I saw a black casket, pulled by four black horses. One more s...
Post a Comment
Read more

Catching Up

I don't write often. Obviously. It takes a lot for me to sit down and write out my thoughts. I've never been much of a writer. There's always something else I'd rather be doing. So what am I doing tonight? I'm writing down my thoughts, my experiences of the last few months. This is a little bit of a review of the last few years. I need to get it out and typing is faster than writing. I also promised I would write out my emotions of late. Here I go. I've been going through psychotherapy for the last year and a half. I've felt depressed and anxious for at least four years now and I used the traumatic birth of my daughter as an excuse to finally see a therapist. I experienced a lot of traumas in a few short years and the emotional toll has been hard. Let me list out my traumas: --14 December 2010: Herniated 2 discs (L4-L5 & L5-S1) --14 February 2012: Death of my dog, my best friend, Sarah --30 March 2013: Return home from my mission --1st week of July...
Post a Comment
Read more

Oh Lord, My Redeemer

Christ's Love by Del Parson Oh Lord, My Redeemer by Jeff Goodrich And the Roman soldiers laughed When they saw their pris'ner stumble He did not revile them back. And wondering, I asked, "Who was this man so humble?" And a woman at my side Choked on her reply. Though she struggled not to weep, The tears poured down her cheek, Her heart breaking as she cried: "Oh Lord, my Redeemer, Thou has done so much for me! Oh Lord, my Redeemer. All my love I give to Thee!" And the crowd went pushing on. I felt compelled to follow. I knew that they were wrong How they mocked Him all along. Suddenly my heart felt hollow. For they nailed Him to a tree On a hill called Calvary. While I stood there filled with wonder, The heavens roared with thunder, And again I heard this plea: "Oh Lord, my Redeemer, Thou has done so much for me! Oh Lord, my Redeemer. All my love I give to Thee!" I could not forget His face As I wandered fro...
Post a Comment
Read more