Faith on a Rock

I feel like a potted plant in the ground. I’m in the ground, but still in my pot. This is where I’ve been placed, but I feel like I’m going to be moved again, so I can’t get out of my pot. If I do, the move will be more traumatic. I don't feel like I belong here. It's really hard for me to make friends. I don't think I can reach out to anyone because I'm so transient that all my friendships end when I leave. We live in Virginia right now. We'll be here for the foreseeable future, but I still feel like I have my hand ready to grab the suitcase and run. It's really difficult for me to make connections. I want connections. I don't want to be lonely. I want to find my tribe, my people, my place. I don't know how. I'm afraid to reach out. My self esteem is so low I constantly worry about what others will think of me if I reach out. I'm stuck in my pot while trying to stick out my roots. It's not very effective. I don't feel like I belong an

When I lost my baby a few months ago, I had a miscarriage in the first trimester, I was upset. I grieved for the baby I wouldn't get to hold. While talking about it with my husband, he gave me a great idea for how to process my grief. I was afraid of forgetting my baby. I hadn't felt any movement and barely knew the baby was there before I lost it. I was worried that I would forget. That our family would forget the precious soul that should have joined us. I wanted to make a memorial for my baby. Nothing fancy or showy for the world, just a reminder for our family. I love pyrography, wood burning, so my husband suggested that I make a wooden memorial such as a family tree. I loved that idea! I spent the next hour thinking about how to do it and what I would need. I made several sketches of my tree. I was on fire with the plan for remembering my baby. It was a helpful project for me. I'm proud to say that I finished my family tree this weekend. It was wonderful spending the

These are some thoughts and quotes that have helped comfort me during difficult moments. Just because you're taking longer than others does not mean you're a failure. Keep going. We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. -Thomas S. Monson Pray when you feel like worrying. Give thanks when you feel like complaining. Keep going when you feel like quitting. My efforts are enough. Even when things don't go exactly to plan. Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet. -Bob Marley If you feel you have a lemon, you can either complain about how sour it is, or you can make lemonade. It is all up to you. -Dale Carnegie You are enough. When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars. Feelings are just visitors. Let them come and go. -Mooji The sun showed up again so I looked up and asked it: "Why?" The sun looked down and brightly whispered: "To give you another try." The best views come after the

More poems from several years ago. Miracle March 4, 2007 So you want to see a miracle? I’ll show you one now So you want to see a miracle? Right here and right now? Yeah, I’ll show you a miracle, I think it’s cool Of course I think it should be dedicated To everything bad in my life To everyone who told me, “You can’t,” “You won’t,” “Don’t even try” This is a miracle for you, You pessimists, you bullies Always picking on me So you want to see a miracle? Well, look at me You said I’d never swim, I’d never spell it right, I’d never be in first, I couldn’t win this fight You said I wouldn’t do it, You emphasized on couldn’t. The world didn’t need me, It’d be better if I weren’t born So you want to see a miracle? Just look at me! You said I couldn’t do it, But I did. You said I wouldn’t do it, But I did. I tell you I’m a miracle, Because I made it through You gave me every reason to give up, I should’ve let you win. You see I'm a miracle, Because

I found my folder of old poems. I'll share them here to save them. Arlington May 28, 2018 When I went to Arlington, I slowly walked alone. I wanted to respect them, the names I didn’t know. Thousands and thousands, the white headstones were so straight. They stand in perfect rank and file; forever they will wait. I marveled at their beauty; I tried to read their names. There are too many for me to read; too many died for me. Though I do not know them, they never dreamed of me, They gave their lives fighting, for the land of the free. I went to see the Tomb, that honors the Unknown. How many families waited, for those who can’t come home? When I went to Arlington, I reflected on the past. Why are there names not older than my own? This graveyard is supposed to be just for wars of old. I know that we’re still fighting, but these names brought it home. Arlington is not just filled with past heroes. I saw a black casket, pulled by four black horses. One more s

The Apostle Paul was a very successful missionary. He could talk to and relate to anyone. He was a Hebrew, Greek, and Roman. What really made him successful is that he told his story. He told it as often and to as many people as he could. Paul took advantage of public areas and large gatherings. He shared his story. Since I came home from my mission I have struggled with depression and increased anxiety. It has made me feel as though there is a dark cloud over my head, or an impenetrable roof of some kind, that prevents the Spirit of God or any feeling from God to come to me and penetrate that ceiling. It has made me question my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The one thing I do know, and that I've clung to, is that whatever questions I have, I will not be able to answer them outside of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And I've always been able to pray. I don't recall the last time I felt an answer or that my prayers have penetrated the impenetrab